Winston doesn't like the party and the way he has to hide himself from the world to keep himself from disappearing. This is a similar situation to the subject in Mr. Roboto.
I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin,
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM,
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised,
I'm just a man who needed someone and somewhere to hide,
To keep me alive, just keep me alive,
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive,
Winston finds someone to let out his emotions with and even share emotional sex with instead of the emotionless passionless kind that the party encouraged. He needs someone to know that he isn't the man that the party and the thought police see, that there is more to him than the straight face of a party member.
I am the modern man, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
Who hides behind a mask, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
So no one else can see, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
My true identity,
He is hiding behind the mask of a party member because he knows exactly what will get him sent to the Ministry of Love and he is forced to hide his personality and emotions from the party in fear of disappearing.
The time has come at last, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
To throw away this mask, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
Now everyone can see, (Secret secret, I've got a secret)
My true identity,
He lets down his guard in the little room he rented and is himself only to be captured and brought to the Ministry of Love. Even after all of the torture and interrogation, deep down, Winston does not change and realizes who he is and always will be.
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